Glass Heads

Forty watt glass-headed rabbits dotting the hillsides by night, apparently nibbling on grass, but electrocuting hapless foxes and foolish owls, then recharging by devouring their charred remains.

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Sixty watt glass-headed deer so you can see their greenest thoughts on distant hills by use of tele-psi-scope. Like deer astronauts their dreams ascend like lightning from their antler tips into the clouds and bring down ghost riders.

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100 watt glass-headed squirrels sending arrow showers of light through the forest as they dash up branches and hop onto the shoulders of fur-shrouded deities, biting their ears and drawing forth blood that groans as it slops down through the leaves.

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150 watt glass-headed mammoths blundering through the midnight forest, trying to get back to the steppe. Their heads are so bright they blind each other and crash into the trees, smashing the huge bulbs. Each light going out is one step closer to extinction.

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200 watt glass-headed plesiosaurs gliding rapidly through the peat-darkened lochs: their lights can be detected at considerable depths by nightboats crossing, as though looking out for the streaks of meteorites in the skies above.

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500 megawatt glass-headed Jörmungandr clearly visible crawling through the trenches at the bottom of the ocean by astronauts falling from space having forgotten where they left their spaceships.

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Forty gigawatt glass heads on either end of double-headed 500 km long space centipedes slowly arcing through the Oort Cloud in shoals of up to a million, lights pulsing in ornate patterns that appear to be some form of palindromic remorseless code…

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Colossal Guitar

A colossal guitar has been found floating in the Chimeric Sea. It is estimated as being twice as long as the largest supertanker.

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Doc Moreau is attempting to identify what type and size of tree could possibly furnish the wood necessary to construct such a mega-instrument.

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‘The scale of the panelling on the colossal guitar goes beyond known timber nomenclatures. We’re talking infra-redwood here.’

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‘We’re concerned that someone has been slicing chunks off Yggdrasil,’ the Doc added. ‘We had enough trouble with that giant squirrel.’

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Regular readers will remember that during the last Squirrel Apocalypse Super Ratatosk was taken out by a buzzsaw that encircled the planet.

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The strings are a bit of a puzzle too: a somewhat grisly one, according to the Doc, as they are hundreds of metres long, and definitely not nylon.

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‘Could the strings be whale intestines?’

‘Some of them. Others may be old trans-oceanic telegraph cables. The lower E appears to be hollow.’

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‘My assistant is exploring the E-string on a motorcycle. If it is passable, he’ll be a few days, but he has breathing apparatus and hardtack.’

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‘Who – or what – could have played an instrument like this?’

‘We’re assuming monsters, but actually in a heavy enough storm it plays by itself.’

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Songs for a colossal at-sea guitar, side 1: ‘Oak on the Water’; ‘The Sloop John Behemoth’; ‘It’s Raining Sharks’; ‘Yellow Sub-Aquatic Megalopolis’.

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Songs for a colossal at-sea guitar, side 2: ‘Don’t Fear the Neap-Tide’; ‘While My Reactor Gently Leaks’; ‘River Deep, Mariana Trench Deeper’.

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‘After three days, we received this report from the mid-point of the hollow E-string: “Passage clagged with shells and mud, had to abandon bike.”‘

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“Interior of E-string carved with intricate markings. At first I thought they were sea-scorpion trails, then I realised they were notation.”

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“The string is a series of furnished rooms, each opening onto each other. Some kind of crew lived here, inscribing tunes on the walls.”

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“Transit between the chambers of the E-string appears to have been by pneumatic tube. I’ve photoed the shattered remnants of this inner tube…”

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“This morning I found one of the containers which would’ve shuttled back and forth along the string. Much larger than a man. Trying to open it…”

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“Oh God, that I had never found the clasp that unlocked this…this sarcophagus! The thing inside, as though asleep, like a giant insect!”

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“As soon as I opened it, this distant music…can’t you hear it? As though falling from the stars. Closing the lid mutes it enough to think…”

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“Terrible night. By cramming my ears with rags I drowned out the insane tunes. Dreams of jigging in mud; a voice commanding me, ‘Transcribe!’.”

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“Knew I shouldn’t, but was possessed by the notion the…cadaver was moving. As soon as I opened the lid, the music got worse, deafening!”

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‘I know now why the inner walls of the E-string are covered in manic scribblings. There is an incomplete symphony here, a music of madness!’

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“I have to reach the other end before it takes me over too. The uncanny resonance of the E-string means it grows louder the farther I flee!”

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“I wake in the night – or is it day? – with my fingertips bleeding, having spent hours transcribing in my sleep. How many days? How far to go?”‘