Do You Suffer from Uncanny Nocturnal Levitation?

Are you troubled by Uncanny Nocturnal Levitation while wearing your Self-Adhering Giant Hawkmoth Wings? Get your Organic Wing Anchors – and a good night’s sleep – here!

*

Our Organic Self-Adhering Giant Hawkmoth Wing Anchors are manufactured from 100% Groanstone deposits.

*

However, we cannot guarantee the factory in which the Groanstones are deposited have not been contaminated with sighs.

*

Groanstone is formed as part of the digestive process of the Melancholy Worm. These worms grow to colossal sizes yet remain invisible.

*

– Except, that is, to the highly developed sensory array of our adept Groanstone Extractors. These plucky few locate the cloacal flap and climb inside.

*

Squeezing through the invisible intestinal tunnels, which can be miles in length, even the most experienced Groanstone Extractor may sigh.

*

The Worms, however, are extraordinarily alert to minute amounts of negativity and the groanstone itself may become imperceptibly contaminated.

*

However, in most circumstances, our Groanstone Anchors, cunningly fashioned into the shape of a gigantic wishbone, will function perfectly.

*

Very occasionally, the original sigh may escape during Uncanny Nocturnal Levitation, itself a rare side-effect of wearing giant moth wings.

*

If, as is incredibly unlikely, the Uncanny Nocturnal Levitation is caused by a psychological flaw in the moth, a chain reaction may begin.

*

However, all our moths are raised in great Moon Wardrobes in ideal conditions for fluttering and laying eggs on astronauts’ old three-piece suits.

*

The fact that our moths are actually on the Moon, the desired destination of their species for millions of years, causes Moth Euphoria.

*

Of course, in a vanishingly small number of instances, Moth Euphoria can tip over into Lepidopteran Lunar Frenzy and this may infect the wings.

*

But Doc Moreau has reassured us his technique of suddenly ripping the wings off the hawkmoths counters Lepidopteran Lunar Frenzy at source.

Advertisements