War for the Planet of the Magic Monkey Trees

The incoming Chimeric administration has promised to renew Chimerica’s infrastructure of Magic Monkey Trees overnight using ‘tragic beans’.

Making Chimerica’s Magic Monkey Trees great again is going to need a lot of ‘tragic beans’, or, as experts call them, Radioactive Ape Turds.


One thousand space monkeys who’ve been too near the sun then dosed up on ‘Doc Moreau’s Patented Hyper-Laxative’ are being released as we speak.


If you see a singed interstellar singe (that’s French, Tish) taking an agonised noctilucent dump in your garden, Do Not Approach!


The Magic Monkey Trees will begin growing almost immediately after the groaning, and should start cropping within days of the crapping.


Each Magic Monkey Tree will look like an auracaria, but instead of cryptic crossword clues will continuously generate more and more monkeys.


The monkeys though initially cute will rapidly multiply beyond our control and rip everyone limb from limb thus fulfilling our manifesto promise.


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