Citizens of Chimerica, for reasons which, since you removed your own cerebella, we can no longer access, you have elected a Cheesy Wotsit.


A Cheesy Wotsit, moreover, which appears to be possessed by the demon Drumpfulacrum, long held to be one of the stupidest demons in Hell.

A demon which, in the comedy clubs of Hell, occupies the position played by drummers in jokes about stupid musicians.


As in, ‘Drumpfulacrum is so stupid he wasn’t thrown out of Heaven, he tripped.’ As in, ‘When he goes out to buy souls he comes back with haddock.’


Last time Drumpfulacrum was loose he possessed a hot water bottle. Because he kept it constantly toasty, he wasn’t exorcised for 72 years.


So far, other than swelling to eight feet high and filling the air with an odour of synthetic cheese malignity, the Wotsit has done nothing.


However, murmurations of birds across this great land of ours have begun coughing *wanker* in unison before dropping from our great air.


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