The Omnesium

A leak from The Omnesium caused all birds passing overhead to completely forget how to fly, and to plummet vertically from mid-air.
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A murmuration of starlings pelted passersby for five minutes during which they forgot a) that it doesn’t rain birds, and b) what birds are.

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Employees of The Omnesium, who face the regular peril of forgetting what it is, or that they work there, are heavily tattooed with hints.

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Unfortunately, during very heavy leaks, employees of The Omnesium may forget a) what writing is, or b) what tattoos are.

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On one occasion, finding they were stained blue all over, employees concluded they were blueberry addicts, and The Omnesium was a fruity spa.

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On another, the copiously tattooed employees grew convinced they were members of a yakuza gang and hacked each other almost to death.

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In one extreme circumstance, The Omnesium itself forgot it was a building, and attempted to go home, but couldn’t remember where it lived.

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The percentage of people within a five mile radius of The Omnesium who cannot remember their names is no higher than elsewhere in Chimerica.

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The percentage of cats which cannot remember what their arseholes are and lick keyholes instead is no higher than elsewhere in Chimerica.

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The percentage of people who forget what driving is and crash their cars, trains, and airplanes while staring out the window is perfectly normal.

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The percentage of people who forget that they are people, or that there are concepts like ‘Chimerica’ or ‘Memory’, is within the national average.

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The Ministry of Perception would like to announce the national average of Forgotten Things has dropped since The Omnesium began operations.

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It would like to announce this but, unfortunately, the present whereabouts of those statistics appears to be unknown… What were we saying?

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Ah yes. Crucially, the number of people who remember what the substance omnesium is or why we started processing it remains stable at zero.

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