The Horizon Garden

(for Ian Thompson)

Incoherency Brown, Capability’s brother, was famed for inventing the Horizon Garden, which lopped everything off between you and the skyline.
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Trees, walls, flowers, buildings, livestock: everything between your property and the horizon was sliced off uniformly at eye level.

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Later, Incoherency Brown would think to plant ‘short things’ (shrubs) nearer the house, and ‘taller things’ (trees) farther away.

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Servants would be employed according to height; their movements and activities strictly confined to the appropriate distance from the house.

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At one point Brown had England’s most varied guillotine collection and its largest number of privately owned giraffe necks. Then he was arrested.

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While in prison, Incoherency Brown invented the ‘stooping roof’, a roof which could sit inside a house rendered roofless by a Horizon Garden.

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After his release, Brown would allow appropriately-heighted servants to bear a large shark’s fin purposively across a Horizon Garden.

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