Referendumb

In response to the Chimeric Referendum, the map will be torn up and reassembled at random. Then Chimerica will be redesigned to match.

*

In the regional capital of Chim, Chimchimereechimchimereechimchimcheroo, debate continues about which chimney they should hide the results up.

*

Meanwhile, in the regional capital of Era, Errata, citizens are wondering if the Chimeric Referendum has all been a big mistake.

*

Having exited from reality, Chimerica is astonished to find it still exists, but is psychically confined to a krazy golf course on the Moon.

*

In a hideous parody of real life, each of the holes on the Moon’s krazy golf course exactly resembles a dilemma encountered here on Earth 2.

*

All the shadows that lost their bodies are folded neatly in a drawer in a sideboard in a crater on the dark side of the Moon.

*

Every now and then, a golfball made of mammoth bone, over-hit from the krazy golf course, strikes the sideboard and ricochets into space.

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. dressing.

lift the cotton, look again.

 

cover the place with whiteness.

 

pink is pretty, white is clean.

 

they do not want to see it

today, a reminder of fragility.

 

they wish to spend freely

in this place, not care

 

for these things.

 

sbm.

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Secretes of The Moths: an Epistolary Novel (Part 1)

Dear Pope Hulk, Wheare is the Moon?

Yours, Thee Moths

*

Wee looked al night and we could knot see becoss of clowd & windo & curtanes & smol moons that wer later proved to be blubs.

The Möths

*

One off our nombre has swalowde a pebbl he claims cam frae Demosthenes and now cannot fly. Is it a pebbl truly or The Moon?

The Moths

*

One of oure nomber (thee one that swalwod the peble) will not stoap talkin. May we eet him?

TheMoths

*

Deer Pope HuLk, plees disruggard our last as it was not a pebbl it was a blubb & one off our numbre hass explodode & is sindrs.

The moths

*

In discusione it was moted that True Dmosthene’s Pebbl might be The Moone. Therefore we arr writng seeking clarfication whear it is?

The Moths

*

Oslo, if w eet The Moone, will it causs much eloquentz like one off oure numbre becoss that was too longe & only a Blub?

The Mothss

Colossal Guitar

A colossal guitar has been found floating in the Chimeric Sea. It is estimated as being twice as long as the largest supertanker.

*

Doc Moreau is attempting to identify what type and size of tree could possibly furnish the wood necessary to construct such a mega-instrument.

*

‘The scale of the panelling on the colossal guitar goes beyond known timber nomenclatures. We’re talking infra-redwood here.’

*

‘We’re concerned that someone has been slicing chunks off Yggdrasil,’ the Doc added. ‘We had enough trouble with that giant squirrel.’

*

Regular readers will remember that during the last Squirrel Apocalypse Super Ratatosk was taken out by a buzzsaw that encircled the planet.

*

The strings are a bit of a puzzle too: a somewhat grisly one, according to the Doc, as they are hundreds of metres long, and definitely not nylon.

*

‘Could the strings be whale intestines?’

‘Some of them. Others may be old trans-oceanic telegraph cables. The lower E appears to be hollow.’

*

‘My assistant is exploring the E-string on a motorcycle. If it is passable, he’ll be a few days, but he has breathing apparatus and hardtack.’

*

‘Who – or what – could have played an instrument like this?’

‘We’re assuming monsters, but actually in a heavy enough storm it plays by itself.’

*

Songs for a colossal at-sea guitar, side 1: ‘Oak on the Water’; ‘The Sloop John Behemoth’; ‘It’s Raining Sharks’; ‘Yellow Sub-Aquatic Megalopolis’.

*

Songs for a colossal at-sea guitar, side 2: ‘Don’t Fear the Neap-Tide’; ‘While My Reactor Gently Leaks’; ‘River Deep, Mariana Trench Deeper’.

*

‘After three days, we received this report from the mid-point of the hollow E-string: “Passage clagged with shells and mud, had to abandon bike.”‘

*

“Interior of E-string carved with intricate markings. At first I thought they were sea-scorpion trails, then I realised they were notation.”

*

“The string is a series of furnished rooms, each opening onto each other. Some kind of crew lived here, inscribing tunes on the walls.”

*

“Transit between the chambers of the E-string appears to have been by pneumatic tube. I’ve photoed the shattered remnants of this inner tube…”

*

“This morning I found one of the containers which would’ve shuttled back and forth along the string. Much larger than a man. Trying to open it…”

*

“Oh God, that I had never found the clasp that unlocked this…this sarcophagus! The thing inside, as though asleep, like a giant insect!”

*

“As soon as I opened it, this distant music…can’t you hear it? As though falling from the stars. Closing the lid mutes it enough to think…”

*

“Terrible night. By cramming my ears with rags I drowned out the insane tunes. Dreams of jigging in mud; a voice commanding me, ‘Transcribe!’.”

*

“Knew I shouldn’t, but was possessed by the notion the…cadaver was moving. As soon as I opened the lid, the music got worse, deafening!”

*

‘I know now why the inner walls of the E-string are covered in manic scribblings. There is an incomplete symphony here, a music of madness!’

*

“I have to reach the other end before it takes me over too. The uncanny resonance of the E-string means it grows louder the farther I flee!”

*

“I wake in the night – or is it day? – with my fingertips bleeding, having spent hours transcribing in my sleep. How many days? How far to go?”‘

The Black Milk

(for Alec Finlay)

I still remember the rattle of the elk-cart delivering freshly-bottled elk.

*

Was it elk-milk, elk-urine, rendered elk, or a blend? I don’t know. But remembering the smell, the backs of my eyes sting just like they used to.

*

Father always woke us in the middle of the night to drink the fresh elk-juice. By morning it would be rancid, but in the dark it was delicious!

*

‘The Black Milk’ he’d call it, whatever it actually was. ‘The Black Milk is the coldest milk of all!’ Everyone had their own yellowbone straw.

*

I recall the bottles were hollowed-out alabaster – laborious work with the tools we had then. It seemed to glow in the darkness of the cave.

*

The Black Milk within the bottle was darker than the night itself – and this was the absolute middle of the night. The air above it wavered.

*

When you drank the elk-juice a terrible shudder passed through you, then a vast calm, as though a moon rose within you, illuminating permafrost.

Science News

Scientists in the United States are trying to grow pig organs inside humans.

Testing a revolutionary technique known as gene remixing or DNA mashup, the scientists have injected pig stem cells into human embryos to produce pig-human embryos known as chimeras.

The team from the University of Cthulhu says they should look and behave like normal humans except that one organ will be composed of pig cells.

In a recent interview, lead chimerical researcher Dr Proboscis said, “Obviously, it would be very cool for human beings to have pigs’ hearts, lungs, livers, etc, but our ultimate goal is a man with a pig’s brain. That would be totally fucking awesome.”

Dr Proboscis declined to elaborate on the potential benefits of gene remixing.