Memos from MOSA (The Ministry of Subterranean Affairs)

Secretarial staff, DO NOT use the Earthquake Typewriter!! How many times do you need us to tell you?
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It is not in the best tradition of MOSA for the Junior Secretary for Stalactites to engage the Junior Secretary for Stalagmites in fisticuffs.

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The Sub-Department for Caverns are advised that units of used paper clips in excess of one ton should be deposited in the Bottomless Well.

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The Sub-Department for Depths & Trenches should not be expected to accept the wanton tipping of stationery into their abyssal repositories.

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MOSA Protocols for Engaging with Rick Wakeman update: Rick did NOT discover the Centre of the Earth, and is NOT to be addressed as ‘Keyboard King of the Underlands’.

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MOSA Wakeman Protocols update: staff are under no obligation to listen to more than three hours of organ recital at any one time.

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MOSA Wakeman Protocols update: Ministry staff are NOT permitted to join alternative line-ups of Yes ‘just to be polite’.

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Staff who encounter the Central Glow-Worm should remain perfectly still and think only happy thoughts. Their families will be taken care of.

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Staff have asked for guidance as to what constitutes ‘happy thoughts’. The Minister has issued this simple diagram:

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The Consul for Interstellar Depths is sure, once the Space Centipedes have been defeated, we’ll get a fix on where staff have been transported to.

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We remain confident the Worm folds space into a recurring instance of Interstellar Origami, and so staff are being sent to the same planet, approximately.

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Unfortunately, so far all the Ministry’s Origami Analysts have softly and silently vanished away, and so new Folders are urgently being sought.

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Dreamers in the thousand year caves have been woken, but such convoluted dreams require delicate, expert, and lengthy decipherment.

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Unfortunately, the longstanding ‘difficulty of understanding’ between MOSA and the Ministry of Decipherment continues to hamper our best efforts.

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