Hammer Of The Pets

Hammer Of The Pets: dealing with your pets for twenty years – the way you’d like to, but simply don’t have the guts to follow through!


We do the time, so two years down the line, you can buy another Mr Fluffy exactly the same stupid colour.


Hammer Of The Pets: NOW AVAILABLE for neighbours’ pets too! Basically a hitman service for yappy dogs, and cats that shit where they shouldn’t!


Just select ‘Toffee Hammer’ for lapdogs and macaws. ‘Silver Hammer Service’ available for a supplement only for certain pedigrees.


Amusingly, many people ask us can we ‘take care of’ their hammerhead sharks and if so how? With a sub-machine gun, mo’fuckers.


Hammer Of The Pets: We receive many enquiries re our ‘Tarzan’ service, in which we wrassle your pet while dressed as Tarzan. Yes, it’s grim, but,


we like to think, ultimately uplifting. Particularly when we lift your pet’s lifeless form above our head and ululate to the Moon.


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