Hammer Of The Pets

Hammer Of The Pets: dealing with your pets for twenty years – the way you’d like to, but simply don’t have the guts to follow through!

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We do the time, so two years down the line, you can buy another Mr Fluffy exactly the same stupid colour.

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Hammer Of The Pets: NOW AVAILABLE for neighbours’ pets too! Basically a hitman service for yappy dogs, and cats that shit where they shouldn’t!

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Just select ‘Toffee Hammer’ for lapdogs and macaws. ‘Silver Hammer Service’ available for a supplement only for certain pedigrees.

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Amusingly, many people ask us can we ‘take care of’ their hammerhead sharks and if so how? With a sub-machine gun, mo’fuckers.

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Hammer Of The Pets: We receive many enquiries re our ‘Tarzan’ service, in which we wrassle your pet while dressed as Tarzan. Yes, it’s grim, but,

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we like to think, ultimately uplifting. Particularly when we lift your pet’s lifeless form above our head and ululate to the Moon.

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