Kriegfeed And Troy

…Living in the same village were Kriegfeed and Troy who, after a lifetime of assaults by untameable lions and tigers, had moved on to bears. Big mistake.

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Since retiring, they mostly tamed chairs, using older, tamer chairs.

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Troy was intact from the waist up, but Kriegfeed was essentially a torso with no head, a left arm, and a right leg.

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Nonetheless, every morning, he’d get his narwhal tooth crutch out, and stomp off down to the village shop for supplies.

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Kriegfeed would hand a shopping list over, but the problem was that he had been right-handed, so his notes were nearly illegible.

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In fact, only Troy could read his handwriting, and half the time, he admitted, he was making it up, really.

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The shopkeeper knew pretty much what Kriegfeed needed, but would pretend not to understand as he mimed with increasing agitation.

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Everyone agreed Kriegfeed’s mime of tinned tomatoes was remarkable, and the village would assemble for his impersonation of a loaf of bread.

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Sometimes the shopkeeper wore a bear’s head mask, and Kriegfeed would refuse to go in the store, signalling instead from the pavement.

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Troy fashioned a mechanical semaphore set for single-handed use, and gave the shopkeeper a code book, so that he could understand Kriegfeed.

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The shopkeeper made no effort to understand semaphore, and would only address Kriegfeed in morse, tapped onto his navel with a broom handle.

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As Kriegfeed couldn’t understand morse, they would frequently end up attacking each other with their implements of supposed communication…

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…while the delivery girl, who had transcribed both parties, crept off to place the requisite goods in the panniers of her bicycle.

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When Troy returned from his constitutional in a chariot drawn by two tame chairs, he’d find the shopping on the table and assume all was well.

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