The Moon Ladder

1 (the dark side of the Moon Ladder)

When you see it in the Katalog it looks great: an infinitely extensible ladder that unfolds when you cry ‘I want! I want!’

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The Moon Ladder is really only useful if you have to wash the Moon, and if you don’t know how to fold it, will not fit in your garage.

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Sometimes I get halfway up the Moon Ladder, and realise I’ve forgotten my chamois leather, and have to go back for it, which is a real pain.

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The view from the top of the Moon Ladder is mostly of the Moon, which could do with a good wash. It’s like someone smeared cheese on a mirror.

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What people think of as moondust is really that instant porridge crap. You don’t want to spill a bucket of dirty water in a crater of that.

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Then there’s all the people on the Moon. They don’t like you but they want to use your Moon Ladder. Trouble is, they’re up there for a reason.

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Turns out the ladder they used for the Moon landings is a Moon Ladder too so they didn’t need to go to all that trouble but don’t tell them.

2 (the lighter side of the Ladder)

There are those who say the Moon Ladder was faked, and that there couldn’t be a ladder extending from anywhere on Earth to any moon.

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These are clearly people who have never walked out beneath the freight of stars and cried ‘I want! I want!’ and saw the Moon Ladder appear.

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When you see the faint glimmer of the thin tubules of the Moon Ladder extend from your feet up into the night, your hand is drawn to grip it;

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your foot is drawn to the first rung of millions of rungs: the Moon Ladder doesn’t just extend from the Earth, it extends from the heart.

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Often, halfway down the Moon Ladder with a basket full of freshly picked lunar mushrooms, I find a thick web has formed an orb about it.

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This is the glowing nest of a giant spider drifting in from the asteroid belt, and is filled with millions of its babies like beads of jet.

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I let go of the Moon Ladder and it dissolves, except for the section with the orb, which floats away. Then I say again, ‘I want! I want!’

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