The Miracles of Saint Wiwiya

Once, a child approached Saint Wiwiya saying, ‘Sister, I am hungry.’ And Saint Wiwiya sighed, and gave her a bag of sugared caterpillars.

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As the seasons turned, Saint Wiwiya would go lie in the forest and her stigmata would shine in the dark. She had loads more than Jesus.

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Little white moths would come and rest in great numbers on her wounds, and Saint Wiwiya would gaze into the astounded eye of the Moon.

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Once, when the goat kicked over the milk jug, Saint Wiwiya caused the milk to levitate in the form of a white heart, then turn to cheese.

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Once a noble prince gave Saint Wiwiya a lily, so she started growing a long white beard and couldn’t stop. It was five miles long by the end.

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The prince was not at all dismayed, saying, ‘If Wiwiya must be Claus, I shall be her elf.’ He was immediately strangled by a passing bear.

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Saint Wiwiya kissed the bear in gratitude whereupon all its fur turned white, causing it to retreat from society to the North or South Pole.

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When Saint Wiwiya was a child, a unicorn came and lay its head in her lap, whereupon she broke off its horn, and lo! it was white chocolate!

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There was a particular white hind who would come and stand in the door of Saint Wiwiya’s room, compelling her to climb in and out the window.

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One day the Virgin Mary appeared in Saint Wiwya’s room and gave the white hind a kick up the behind. ‘That’s been pissing me off,’ she said.

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Once a barrel of brandy fell from a wagon, blocking the stream. Saint Wiwiya whistled and a narwhal pierced the barrel, then got very drunk.

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Once when Pope Hulk desired condiments, Saint Wiwiya tapped her psalter and, lo! salt flowed from it. Then she thumped her breviary for pepper.

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Pope Hulk was most astonished, and smashed the place up. As he leapt through the rose window, Saint Wiwiya remarked on his compassionate eyes.

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They say, when Saint Wiwiya was dying, her flesh became translucent, and her bones began to glow so brightly that the priest wore shades.

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