Kriegfeed And Troy

…Living in the same village were Kriegfeed and Troy who, after a lifetime of assaults by untameable lions and tigers, had moved on to bears. Big mistake.

*

Since retiring, they mostly tamed chairs, using older, tamer chairs.

*

Troy was intact from the waist up, but Kriegfeed was essentially a torso with no head, a left arm, and a right leg.

*

Nonetheless, every morning, he’d get his narwhal tooth crutch out, and stomp off down to the village shop for supplies.

*

Kriegfeed would hand a shopping list over, but the problem was that he had been right-handed, so his notes were nearly illegible.

*

In fact, only Troy could read his handwriting, and half the time, he admitted, he was making it up, really.

*

The shopkeeper knew pretty much what Kriegfeed needed, but would pretend not to understand as he mimed with increasing agitation.

*

Everyone agreed Kriegfeed’s mime of tinned tomatoes was remarkable, and the village would assemble for his impersonation of a loaf of bread.

*

Sometimes the shopkeeper wore a bear’s head mask, and Kriegfeed would refuse to go in the store, signalling instead from the pavement.

*

Troy fashioned a mechanical semaphore set for single-handed use, and gave the shopkeeper a code book, so that he could understand Kriegfeed.

*

The shopkeeper made no effort to understand semaphore, and would only address Kriegfeed in morse, tapped onto his navel with a broom handle.

*

As Kriegfeed couldn’t understand morse, they would frequently end up attacking each other with their implements of supposed communication…

*

…while the delivery girl, who had transcribed both parties, crept off to place the requisite goods in the panniers of her bicycle.

*

When Troy returned from his constitutional in a chariot drawn by two tame chairs, he’d find the shopping on the table and assume all was well.

Advertisements

.stiff little fingers .

look at the photograph,
a funny little thing.

who cannot type nor spell
effiiently, the words flowing
too fast from fingers.

hold the charcoal tight, add
fears and misgivings, sound the
angry words in stone. it is not meant
personal, we did not find the key.

so we work until tea, spoiling
the pattern with verbs.

the picture is set, sewn, scratched,
poignantly scraped.

we have stiff little fingers.

sbm.

shot_1338552161238

The Moon Ladder

1 (the dark side of the Moon Ladder)

When you see it in the Katalog it looks great: an infinitely extensible ladder that unfolds when you cry ‘I want! I want!’

*

The Moon Ladder is really only useful if you have to wash the Moon, and if you don’t know how to fold it, will not fit in your garage.

*

Sometimes I get halfway up the Moon Ladder, and realise I’ve forgotten my chamois leather, and have to go back for it, which is a real pain.

*

The view from the top of the Moon Ladder is mostly of the Moon, which could do with a good wash. It’s like someone smeared cheese on a mirror.

*

What people think of as moondust is really that instant porridge crap. You don’t want to spill a bucket of dirty water in a crater of that.

*

Then there’s all the people on the Moon. They don’t like you but they want to use your Moon Ladder. Trouble is, they’re up there for a reason.

*

Turns out the ladder they used for the Moon landings is a Moon Ladder too so they didn’t need to go to all that trouble but don’t tell them.

2 (the lighter side of the Ladder)

There are those who say the Moon Ladder was faked, and that there couldn’t be a ladder extending from anywhere on Earth to any moon.

*

These are clearly people who have never walked out beneath the freight of stars and cried ‘I want! I want!’ and saw the Moon Ladder appear.

*

When you see the faint glimmer of the thin tubules of the Moon Ladder extend from your feet up into the night, your hand is drawn to grip it;

*

your foot is drawn to the first rung of millions of rungs: the Moon Ladder doesn’t just extend from the Earth, it extends from the heart.

*

Often, halfway down the Moon Ladder with a basket full of freshly picked lunar mushrooms, I find a thick web has formed an orb about it.

*

This is the glowing nest of a giant spider drifting in from the asteroid belt, and is filled with millions of its babies like beads of jet.

*

I let go of the Moon Ladder and it dissolves, except for the section with the orb, which floats away. Then I say again, ‘I want! I want!’

The Miracles of Saint Wiwiya

Once, a child approached Saint Wiwiya saying, ‘Sister, I am hungry.’ And Saint Wiwiya sighed, and gave her a bag of sugared caterpillars.

*

As the seasons turned, Saint Wiwiya would go lie in the forest and her stigmata would shine in the dark. She had loads more than Jesus.

*

Little white moths would come and rest in great numbers on her wounds, and Saint Wiwiya would gaze into the astounded eye of the Moon.

*

Once, when the goat kicked over the milk jug, Saint Wiwiya caused the milk to levitate in the form of a white heart, then turn to cheese.

*

Once a noble prince gave Saint Wiwiya a lily, so she started growing a long white beard and couldn’t stop. It was five miles long by the end.

*

The prince was not at all dismayed, saying, ‘If Wiwiya must be Claus, I shall be her elf.’ He was immediately strangled by a passing bear.

*

Saint Wiwiya kissed the bear in gratitude whereupon all its fur turned white, causing it to retreat from society to the North or South Pole.

*

When Saint Wiwiya was a child, a unicorn came and lay its head in her lap, whereupon she broke off its horn, and lo! it was white chocolate!

*

There was a particular white hind who would come and stand in the door of Saint Wiwiya’s room, compelling her to climb in and out the window.

*

One day the Virgin Mary appeared in Saint Wiwya’s room and gave the white hind a kick up the behind. ‘That’s been pissing me off,’ she said.

*

Once a barrel of brandy fell from a wagon, blocking the stream. Saint Wiwiya whistled and a narwhal pierced the barrel, then got very drunk.

*

Once when Pope Hulk desired condiments, Saint Wiwiya tapped her psalter and, lo! salt flowed from it. Then she thumped her breviary for pepper.

*

Pope Hulk was most astonished, and smashed the place up. As he leapt through the rose window, Saint Wiwiya remarked on his compassionate eyes.

*

They say, when Saint Wiwiya was dying, her flesh became translucent, and her bones began to glow so brightly that the priest wore shades.

. square foxes .

slow down when squirrels cross.

nut shells rattle the mower blades, so we
look up at the acorns growing. all is well
at oswalds tree.

she carried the cake, to and fro, it diminished
at each turn, a victoria sponge. while all the while,
the bodice remains private, linen buttons tidy.

the roads here are winding, the leaves are changing.

best not to bang the teapot down on serving, best
to tell the truth.

this is not cross foxes. we will go to new places
again. i will show you things.

sbm.

fox

..head aches..

can be muzzy things, caused by a
sincere lack of liquidisation,
or a symptom of another particle.

substance is taken, ibruprofin, after
hunting the bags, the old bathroom cupboard,
which is tidy now. tea then, and typing, ensuring
the jaw and neck are slack, no tension.

think of montgomery, the garden, relax, and know,

that others have worse than tight head pain.

maybe this is smoke inhalation,
maybe it is nothing at all.

no hormones, no alcohol required.
bandages are useful.

sbm.

323360_10150592099161177_675531176_11193696_1642770470_o

.pink.

research is kind, we have tried many colours.

we ate the cake, yet not wishing to appear
greedy left a crumb.

for a bird.

we wander through where the fence should be,
not minding the delay.

you see, we are lucky here, safe and dry,
yet
we do really miss that little dog.

gone now.

sbm.

11061673_10153678483631177_3353282777337436497_n