Buttered Shutters

At Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors, all our Gentleman’s Relish is made from real gentlemen.

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– People often ask us, ‘How can you tell a real gentleman?’ We say: you sit in any pub long enough and someone says, ‘He was a real gent.’

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At Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors, all our Marmalade is made from real marmals.

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– People often ask us, ‘When you say “marmal” are you in fact mispronouncing “mammal”?’ We say: get you, “Mister Dictionary”!

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At Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors, all our Cheese Spread is made from real crushed Cosmic Cheeseballs.

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People often ask us, ‘How can you source real Cosmic Cheeseballs?’ We say: in space. With a net. Duh!

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At Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors, all our Strawberry Jam is made from members of The Strawbs.

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– People often ask us, ‘When will you do a Rick Wakeman “Strawbsberry Jam”?’ We say: have you tried visiting the centre of the Earth?

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We tried visiting the centre of the Earth once but it was a) v hot, and b) Rick Wakeman has the place guarded by naked mole rats.

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Also, he got Alan White out of Yes to set up trip-crotales, so we couldn’t get near him without some kind of proggy alert going off…

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At Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors, all our Mallarmite is made by Mallarmé from real mallards and never from mole rats!

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Also available from Chimeric Artisanal Toast Suppliers and International Conveyors: Buttered Shutters. Made from finest post-fresh toast!

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Our expert artisanal crafts-marmals will personally trim, butter and fit your Buttered Shutters on any window you point at repeatedly!

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Hundreds of testimonials from happy gentlemen were unfortunately dropped in a volcano as we fled the mole rats and/or mallards.

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6 thoughts on “Buttered Shutters

    1. Thanks, Diane – you’ll recognise several points of origin, of course, from Dogbot. Would it be alright to use one or other of the photos from there? Under such circumstances, the protocol is to designate the collaborator as a Chimeric agent, and assign a code name. Since absolutely no-one can see this discussion, do you have any preference as to your code name?

      1. Of course feel free to use the photos which I probably pinched from the internet anyway. Wonderful stuff and I have no preference as to code name. I suggest Hydra for no good reasons other than having many heads and a love of water, oh and being a sibling of Cerberus and the Chimera.

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