In ‘Blight!’, commercial airline peeler Chip Fletcher has a problem with potatoes and alcohol:


This is the Red Eye crossing the ocean,

peeling potatoes with servile devotion.


Experts from Idaho sharpen their blades,

aisles fill with buckets and pommes on parade:


frites bound for Paris, fritters for Hull,

Balfours for Blumenthal, carved into skulls,


Jerseys and roasters – who peels the most has

a bonus of mash and some cash for goodwill…


Mid-flight, mid-potato, out of his head on cheap vodka, Chip glances out of the window and sees a giant Colorado Beetle clinging to the wing.


It turns to look at him, and Chip sees it has the face of Ringo Starr. Carefully, ‘Ringo’ raises one foreleg and flashes him a V sign.


At that moment, he realises the rest of the Peelers are singing ‘Take me back to dear old Blighty…’ – where did they get the piano from?


He snaps out of it to a question from his smiling supervisor: ‘So, how was last night?’

There’s something wrong with her lipstick.


‘I don’t know… I seem to be suffering from… some kinda potato-blight…’


From the flight deck, Captain Bligh announces that strong headwinds will add another month to the journey.


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