The Kryptozoo

‘Octopoppa’s gonna take us to the Kryptozoo tomorrow, the Kryptozoo tomorrow, the Kryptozoo tomorrow…’

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Come see the cute pandaguin cub/chicks at the Kryptozoo! NB Our panda breeding stock is absolutely NOT fluffy dogs painted black & white.

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You’ll believe a penguin can eat bamboo/at the Kryptozoo!

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You’ll further believe a panda can breathe underwater/although you’ll only believe it for two minutes. Or slightly shorter.

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Beat up crocoducks with saucepans at the Kryptozoo! Just jump in the swamp and beat them up! They’ve got stupid beaks – they’re useless!

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Daily shows at the Kryptozoic Aquarium from the Pencil Narwhal! He’ll leap into the air, sketch your portrait, then crash through the canvas!

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Almost no impalements since last week! Catch the Pencil Narwhal while he’s in a good mood!

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It would appear, from all the threatening backwards messages it keeps scribbling on deftly flung dabs, that the Pencil Narwhal is ambidextrous.

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After finding over a hundred dabs graffitied with abusive messages had been flung thru the open bathroom window of his official bungalow…

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…the Kryptozookeeper was heard to mutter, ‘Will no-one rid me of this turbulent narwhal?’

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The Kryptozookeeper has announced the reinstatement of Taxidermy Tuesday: ‘Just buy Official Straw, and you can stuff any animal you like!’

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Mutant Kids can now throw fish at sheep in the Pelting Zoo Area. No-one knows which is which anyway: piscine, offspring, ovine – who cares!

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Our Kryptobiologists have tried to distinguish fish from sheep for years. ‘You just can’t be sure,’ Doc Moreau explains. ‘Thank God for oceans!’

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Free giraffe neck for every kid at the Kryptozoo! We’ll dip them in Kandy Floss if that helps – gots to get rid of these damn giraffe necks!

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‘…Octopoppa’s gonna take us to the Kryptozoo tomorrow – we’re gonna stay the rest of our unnatural lifespans!’

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