The 25 Days of Chimeramas

Hey Mutant Kids! Chimeramas is coming, when we throw open the doors of the invisible houses and release the voices within. Maybe one is yours!

*

Write your letters to Insanta via the Ministry of Verification: the Ministry knows if you’ve just been naughty or could be reclassified as evil.

*

Kids, Chimeramas is not just about giving up, it’s also about taking out: if there’s someone you haven’t assassinated yet, now’s the time!

*

Doc Moreau and I are working hard to get all the Horse Daleks ready for Chimeramas – as ever, no. 1 on the little mutant princess wishlist!

*

Remember, kids, thanks to your 2015 Necromantic Taxidermy Manual Annual n Spellbook, a puppy needn’t just be for life!

*

As Chimeramas looms larger, Doc Moreau will show you how to make delightful wriggling decorations using easily-trapped robins and sausages.

*

As the traditional cries for help arrive from far-flung Chimeric starships, we’re editing them into a lovely carol service.

*

The Chimeramas morning Arthropod Concert will be broadcast this year from Mars and will of course feature the Invasion Waltz.

*

The Empress of the Cabbage People has agreed the traditional Breaking of the Ceasefire between our peoples will go ahead on Chimeramas Day!

*

Therefore, the Ministry of Death regretfully announce that, ‘…for the 23 hours of Chimeramas, Chimerica will be at war. War!’

*

Our glorious troops will be relieved to rush back to the front for Chimeramas Day, and take up this long, pointless war where they left off!

*

Our enemy’s top brassica complain about only getting 23 hours of fighting, but, until the Ministry of Time locate that lost daylight hour…

*

This Chimeramas, tuck into a plate of roasted ectoplasm at everyone’s favourite restaurant, The Happy Séance – still taking bookings!

*

On the 70th day of Chimeramas the turkey carcasses got up and started walking round. It didn’t look like they knew where they were going.

*

On the 300-&-90-tenth day of Chimeramas the forks attacked us in an unprovoked act of aggression. The spoons, as always, remained neutral.

*

On the 13th day of Chimeramas the Ministry of Time announced Chimeramas would continue into the foreseeable and possibly fiveseeable future.

*

On the 70-many-eth day of Chimeramas Pope Hulk will deliver his Arbi et Orbi address from an arbitrary point on the M25 Orbital…

*

As ever, Pope Hulk will be alone, half-naked, shouty, and wearing the Papal Turkey. This year’s theme: ‘Forgiving the Shorts of Others’.

*

You know it’s Chimeramas when Dead Soup dribbles out of the 100ft tall slender grey chimneys of The Happy Séance! Birds faint and fall.

*

Only-for-Chimeramas puppies available from Doc’s Labrador Lab: guaranteed to explode on Boxer Day. Blast containment boxes sold separately.

*

You know it’s Chimeramas when the candleworms stretch their little bodies towards the Moon and all their heads burst into flame at the same moment.

*

It was the Night Before Chimeramas, and all through Frankenmaus not an organ was stirring, far less a pulse.

*

The Ministry of Time has just announced that the Night Before Chimeramas will last for one thousand years. Darkness level: all-encompassing.

*

This is in line with last year’s reduction to 1001 years and will permit The Insanta to visit everyone as contracted ‘in one night’.

*

The Insanta clacked its lobster claws, and that voice composed of bubbles and squeaks came out of the gloom, ‘Verification, please…’

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s