Footbull: Chimeric Rules

The national sport of Chimerica is ‘Footbull’: 11 nervous men who can only use their feet versus one angry bull – kicking just makes him madder.

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Fatalities are common during Footbull as the crowd are armed and not usually inclined to allow the team to leave the pitch before midnight.

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The only way the humans can score is if they kick the bull in the bollocks without being injured: each goring counts as a point against.

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The victorious bull is put up in the best labyrinth in town and wears the decapitated heads of two members of the losing team, one on each horn.

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Each game of Footbull is preceded by a ‘Running with the Person’, in which the team captain is pursued through town by 500 angry bulls.

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Despite the short lifespan of Footbull players, Chimerachismo means there’s always another oaf ready to don their team’s blood-spattered jersey.

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Those surviving five years of professional Footbull are granted pensions in the Church of Holy Bullshit where they get to milk retired bulls.

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