Bond Villain Valhalla

We are indebted to Mousebreath for this image:

We are indebted to Mousebreath for this image

After his death, Dr No became Dr Yes & wrote motivational haiku advising us ‘vote YES to yr u/niverse!’ He made 1 million drachmas on the lecture circuits.


Rosa Klebb learnt from Wolverine how to fire daggers & shuriken from every digit & toe. She ran away to join Evil Circus.


All the Blofelds formed an OK doo wop group, then in a smart shift of direction released Northern Soul versions of Bond themes. They sold 1 million records.


The Donald Pleasence Blofeld claimed his cat came up with the idea, but the Telly Savalas Blofeld hotly denied this.


Post-mortem, Goldfinger metamorphosed into an airborne Deepstaria enigmatica and billowed round searching for sunsets. He would then glom up against the undersides of shivering, reluctant clouds.


Oddjob became a poetry buff and would manifest at readings as a levitating hat or a small bear made of night.


Actually, he became the constellation Ursa Minor but with all his orifices clenched so none of the stars could shine.


In Bond Villain Valhalla, Scaramanga began to sprout golden nipples. He sold these by mail order for 1 million drachmas per nip.


Jaws metamorphosed into the Sharktopus he had always wanted to be in the films or dreams of Roger Corman – he didn’t care which…


Red Grant, Max Zorin and Raoul Silva clubbed together to buy ‘Eulalie Freres’, a lingerie empire which had a great success with a range of spray-on undergarments known as ‘World of Moan Foam’. They each made 1 million drachmas.


BROKEN NEWS: Just heard that the Charles Gray Blofeld has left The Blofelds due to cat diet differences – a sad day! Keep the faith.


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