Big Bill Backward’s True-Faced Western Tales, 2: The Foreskins of The Lord

‘Bought up all Christ’s foreskins on a whim when I made my first million,’ drawled Big Bill Backwards. ‘Turns out there’s yards of em…’

*

‘Some of the older churches weren’t too keen to give their foreskins up, so I got the gang together one last time and we went a-lootin…’

*

‘First time some of them priests’d seen the Golden Horde in a coupla centuries. They’d applaud the horsemanship as we rode into their eglise.’

*

‘Stitched me all them foreskins together into a roomy yurt or coracle dependin which way up you was. Sat there with Rumi n Hassan ruminatin.’

*

‘Organised all my yoghurt jars in that yurt with inscriptions in ogham. Had a lot of Vikings in the Horde back then – loved their yaourti!’

*

‘They was all that was left over from the Micklegrad Raid – most of them half-burnt from the Greek Fire. I said, “Boys, let’s hit Vinland!”‘

*

‘Still don’t know how we fitted all them Vikings in the foreskin coracle, must’ve been miraculoso, but we set sail into one pissed-off storm…’

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