Pneumatic Tubes

Our Lady of the Pneumatic Tubes

As of our most recent inspection, the Chimeric Pneumatic Postal Service remains inoperative due to a unidentified blockage.

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Pressure levels within the Chimeric Pneumatic Postal Service, though building steadily, remain ‘Safe to Tolerable’ according to our guidelines.

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Rumours that supervillains had infiltrated the Chimeric Pneumatic Post system and were using it to transport fluffy white cats are unsubstantiated.

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The common misconception that blockages in the Chimeric Pneumatic Post system are caused by colossal squid is easily refuted by experiment.

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As almost completely boneless creatures, squids of practically any size can be safely transported using the Chimeric Pneumatic Post system.

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Rumours of ChiPneuPo System Dva, a 2nd pneumatic post system for the transportation of human body-sized packages, are without foundation.

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All Chimeric Pneumatic Post canisters are sterile, time-locked for historical destinations, and can resist terrible psychological pressures.

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Chimeric Pneumatic Post’s discreet operatives await your missives (and the resumption of any service at all) in offices in every major city.

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If your message is classified, your package unstable, or your kitten fluffy, the Chimeric Pneumatic Postal Service is unable to deliver it – today!

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