Bear Milk

Loki Bear

Remember, although Bear Milk is highly nutritious, milking a bear is dangerous and could lead to loss of limb, throat or life.


Bear-milking should always be left to professional bear milk-persons. We don’t want what happened to Heidi to happen to you!


Bear-milker required. You will be able to: go to woods; find bears; milk bears; return with milk OR arrange to have milk forwarded.


Bear-milker required. You should have: good communication skills (ideally with bears); self-amputation certificate. Own bucket a bonus.


Do you like milk? Do you like bears? Ever considered a career in bear-milking? See the woods, meet new bears, run, sacrifice limbs!


Customers scream for Bear Milk! Will you be the first Bear Milk Billionaire? Unique opportunity to purchase franchise! Must sell due to blood loss.


Prospective bear-milkers should travel by helicopter at own expense to the coordinates given for interview. Please bring a doctor.

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