Bear Milk

Loki Bear

Remember, although Bear Milk is highly nutritious, milking a bear is dangerous and could lead to loss of limb, throat or life.

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Bear-milking should always be left to professional bear milk-persons. We don’t want what happened to Heidi to happen to you!

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Bear-milker required. You will be able to: go to woods; find bears; milk bears; return with milk OR arrange to have milk forwarded.

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Bear-milker required. You should have: good communication skills (ideally with bears); self-amputation certificate. Own bucket a bonus.

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Do you like milk? Do you like bears? Ever considered a career in bear-milking? See the woods, meet new bears, run, sacrifice limbs!

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Customers scream for Bear Milk! Will you be the first Bear Milk Billionaire? Unique opportunity to purchase franchise! Must sell due to blood loss.

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Prospective bear-milkers should travel by helicopter at own expense to the coordinates given for interview. Please bring a doctor.

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