The Milky Bar Kid in Later Life


‘The horse tranquillisers are on me!’ bellowed the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life from a corrugated iron pigsty.


‘The Squirrel Apocalypse is on me!’ screamed the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life, spreadeagled, with squirrels running in and out of his trousers and sleeves.


‘The inky bra is on me!’ yelled the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life, diving in the Colossal Squid tank with a machete, wearing nothing but an old bra.


‘Do you like my little friends?’ roared the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life, throwing dwarves (each dressed as the Milky Bar Kid) at local drug-dealers.


‘The tequila slammers are on me!’ trumpeted the Milky Bar Kid-In-Later-Life, gouging shot glass-sized holes in his bloodless, white chocolate flesh.


‘The Necrodermicon* is on me!’ shrieked the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life, rubbing in squid ink to reveal he was covered in an incised alien script.


‘I’m melting!’ wailed the Milky Bar Kid-in-Later-Life in a tanning salon, under the mistaken impression he was auditioning for ‘Wicked’.

*The Necrodermicon was first discovered by the poet and crypto-philologist Tony Williams in a skip in Matlock.

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