Bugs in Space (incorporating ‘Captain Anoxia and the Space Centipedes, Episode 1’)

1

The Golden Maggot has eaten almost all the Sun’s core, and just a 200,000 km layer protects us. Its metamorphosis into God-Fly is beginning.

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The Giant Yinyang Firefly lies across the meridian of Mercury, with its totally dark head in the hot zone and its luminous tail in the cold.

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Venus’s flytraps, the jaws of which can grow to 100 miles across, have been eating our probes since 1961.

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The locusts of Mars just woke up after millions of years to find all the canals are dry and all the crops are dust: they’re hopping mad…

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Criminal Martian arachnids have destroyed their cages on Phobos and Deimos and have begun to bind the asteroids within a single colossal web.

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One tiny butterfly, the Red Spot Emperor, is responsible for all the storms on Jupiter. When not flapping, it sharpens pencils obsessively.

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The cockroaches of Saturn are subject to a continuous rain of uncut diamonds which encrusts their armour, making them the wealthiest of Blattaria.

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Metallic midge clouds are compelled by Uranus’s magnetic field to form the shapes of huge moustaches, ocean liners, and, ironically, irons.

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The Hermit Crab of Neptune lives in an abandoned spiral galaxy, and plays its underwater violin in memory of all those tiny dead stars.

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Due to an earlier broadcast by the Reverend Spooner, Goth microbes on Pluto anxiously await radio waves bearing the music of the Misters of Circe.

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The Invisible Planet Beetle who rolls the worlds around has just heard how gravity is taking all the credit and is totally going to sue.

2

Message received from observation dome in the mountains on Sedna, scratched into metre-thick glass by diamond-tipped whiskers of space centipedes:

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‘Speed-dial ‘OOKSEE’? Tan a mole? No: too fast up Sedna’s Andes puts a foot on ELO manatee’s kool-aid deeps…’

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Chimeric teams are still trying to decipher the message, written simultaneously by heads & tails of mile-long palindromic space centipedes.

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We have identified the centipedes’ reference to ‘ELO manatee’ as most likely relating to the Jeff Lynngong:

image

 

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The Chimeric station on Sedna has become unstable due to palindromes scratched into the glass by space centipedes. Abandoning it for Eris.

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Captain Anoxia is hoping to planet hop trans-Neptunian objects till we reach Ice Station Pluto. Space centipede numbers increasing.

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We seem to be witnessing a mass migration of space centipedes from the Oort Cloud towards the outer planets. Will continue to monitor whi…

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