Murder Bear Variations

(A collaboration with Imogen Forster, James Knight, Susie Maguire, and Judi Sutherland.)

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Mordor Bear isn’t a real bear. It’s a laboured description of an imaginary ursine animal in a book in too many parts.

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Mirrored Bear is a bear that only appears behind you in mirrors and when you look round he’s not there but you don’t have a head.

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Mulder Bear was in a sci-fi TV series in the 90s but was secretly disdainful of it and often went AWOL during filming for a shit.

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Merder Bear wouldn’t confine his business to the wood. He shat anywhere in France and once, due to a misunderstanding, in Liverpool.

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MoreThan Bear offers competitive car and home insurance quotes, but sometimes finds himself mauling his customers.

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MoreTan Bear suffers from an addiction to St Tropez articifial tanning liquids, and leaves orange tide marks in forests.

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Murther Bear was a bit of a thesp and would insist on offing his victims in a Shakespearean stylee: ‘From the nave to the chaps, chaps!’

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Merthyr Tydfil Bear confined his clawings to early Welsh Christian martyrs.

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Vulcan Mind-Melder Bear induces telepathic union by scooping people’s brains out and putting them in the blender.

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But it’s all OK because Mender Bear has a needle and thread.

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(Although that’s how we got Frankenbear, which as an experiment has not been an unambiguous success.)

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Meanwhile, Minderbinder Bear invades fictions and substitutes himself for one of their characters, causing no end of trouble…

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